Hulu - Second Skin (Only up until August 13.)

Interesting documentary about some people behind the avatars of MMO games. For myself, I can definitely identify with the fun of having another world to escape to. Though, in my years as a gamer, the only MMO game I really gotten into to the point I spent quite a bit of money and time is Nexia (the Indonesian version of the Korean MMORPG Baram, or Nexus as it's called here).

In fact, I still play Nexus from time to time, and it is the only game I'm willing to pay a subscription for, even if I play it at a blasphemous pace according to more serious players. Hey, it's just a nice place I can run off to whenever I feel like chopping wood while reading amusing world shouts from people.

That said, I never really gotten as addicted to it, or any other MMO, to the point of some of the people in the documentary. I may have been somewhat addicted to Diablo, but only in single-player--I find my hoarding addiction can not be truly satisfied if I have to share with party members. I think I had played on Battle.net for less than two weeks before I got bored. (Not to mention I was playing from Indonesia and the lag is horrific.)

Even so, I know I have the potential to really get addicted. The upside of my type of obsession is that it's fairly short termed. I may get completely immersed in a new game until I sacrifice food and rest, but only until I'm finished with whatever goal I had in mind. After that, I usually either completely lose interest or mellow out into a casual player.

But still, I lose a lot of hours in those first few weeks--which is my main reason for not getting into WoW or any other new MMORPG that I'm not already playing. It'll probably suck me right in and that's not good. Heck, I had played a couple of rounds of DoTA my friends a while back and just barely restrained myself from getting a copy of my own. (RTS games suck me in too, but not as much as RPG types.)

And so, I stick to games that have a fairly straight-forward gameplay. FPS (I avoid multi-player as much as I can), survival horror, and casual variety games are good. And any new MMOG I do play, I try to keep it to the browser-based ones. Diablo series, Nexus, and the Age of Empires games are currently my only vice of games I can spend more than two hours in a sitting almost each and every time I open the program.

I still don't think I'm addicted though, by the simple fact that the hours I lose from reading down my huge RSS feed list and surfing the web totally eclipses my gaming hours. I read way more than I play/write/watch/draw about anything, so if I'm addicted to something, it's web surfing.

Then again, it's easy for me to go internet-less for a while--I'm just annoyed at the work of catching up I have to do.

Hm. What in the world am I trying to say? Probably nothing as I'm just going on one of my stream-of-consciousness rants.

Back to the documentary.

I think the insight into the gold-farming business is one of the most interesting parts for me. And as far as true internet addiction, I find the players in the documentary had nothing on hardcore gamers of S. Korea or the other major Asian countries. But the concept of having your online life completely take over your real life is universal.

In the end, addiction is really just a symptom of some other underlying problem. Games, by itself, like alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, Dr. Pepper, and so on, have no power in themselves to make a person ruin their life. A lot of people are addicts waiting to happen no matter what, and it's choice and circumstance which determine their poison.

As for me, I'll continue my casual playing with the occasional binge. At least it would be time not spent looking at LOLcats and reading brain-damaging user comments (why I keep doing it, I don't know).

I'm a slob.

Oh, I can be very particular about wearing a pair of socks twice (I can't do it, even if I wore them for only an hour) or spraying my keyboard/mouse/cell phone/laptop/door handle with anti-bacterial spray every few days or so. But in general I'm pretty much a slob--at least among the female population. I think I'm still neater than a true male slob. I hope so.

Add that to the fact I'm part hikikomori, part attic dork (a bit different from basement nerd), and part apathetic college art student... Well, some days I think desperate measures are needed to keep me from truly becoming a blob slob.

Like going to boot camp. Which is highly unlikely as I'd probably fail at whatever first step screening they have.

Or maybe working on a ranch.

That idea appeals to me as I would absolute love the quiet open space, being far from crowds, and close to animals. I hand raised chickens and my family owned land where goats were bred. I loved visiting our small farms and feeding the goats, geese, ducks, and chickens. I don't like malls and big stores. I would rather walk up and down my stairs than go to a gym (people!). Parks are only okay if it's quiet and somewhat deserted (anti-social, much?). I was also born in Texas, and maybe something in the air imprinted on me somehow.

Then I remember the "working" part of the idea and groan. I could probably do it--not well, but maybe not be totally useless either. I may complain and become comatose from muscle pain the first few weeks. It may even take a month to fix my sleep cycle. I may become the infamous short Asian chick who got flattened by a bale of hay.

A twelve year old girl could punch me and I'd go down in a blubbering heap, 'tis how weak and blubbery I am at the moment.

And I know little could truly motivate me to get into shape unless I'm absolutely forced to. A heart attack could do the trick, but stranding me somewhere I'd have to get off my butt to earn my keep would be preferable. Maybe falling in love would be less painful than those two choices... nah. If I'm to whip myself into shape, I would want to do it for myself--it'll last longer and be more of a personal triumph.

If I'm keeping in shape just to get the guy, I'd probably let go once marriage is achieved. I wouldn't want a slob of a husband, so it's only fair I'm not a slob as well. And having a heart attack could possibly be less painful than being in love.

Having said all that, a large part of me rejoices in my singleness. There's something sooooo relaxing about being a slob sometimes. With no one to impress I don't worry about my looks and can use the money for things like food and gadgets.

Steak and memory sticks. Mmm...

Gosh do I need to move out on my own soon.

Food Link of the Moment: Cake Wrecks. What I like about it is that once in a while they showcase some really awesome cake decorations. At other times, some of the professional wrecks make me feel like I can open my own cake decorating service, despite the fact I have zero experience. Hey, I can spell (most of the time) and can probably draw a passable smiley face with icing. That's more than many others out there already.

For the past couple of years, I've been slowly sliding into a state which I am not proud of. I won't go into details--if you know well me enough, you'll already know what they are--but the bottom line is that I've become unproductive, unreliable, and untrustworthy. It's a miracle to get me to do something satisfactory in a timely manner without literally standing over my shoulder the whole time.

I've also developed a bad habit of living recklessly by running through my life with a kerosene tank taped to my back; therefore burning not only bridges behind me, but roads, the country-side, and maybe even a lake or two. Heck, I'm certain I've already done irreparable harm in many instances and can now only wait for them to come back and bite me when I least expect it.

I foresee much groveling in my future.

Lately, I've been trying to get my gear back together. I'm still far from even the level that I was in 2003, but at least I am somewhat "betterer" than the zombie-without-teeth-or-limbs state I was in mid-late last year (trust me, it was the rock-bottom of my life so far). The top thing I need to master to finally rejoin the human race?

Keep my damn promises.

That includes promises to, others, God, and myself. Just being able to scrounge up the integrity for this rule will solve my many faults, most notably my procrastination problem. Until then, I realized there's a crucial first step I need to do before I can even attempt to properly fix myself:

Stop making those damn promises in the first place.

Well said, common sense. I find this works for me by the simplicity of shutting up and just doing it. The problem is that I promised myself not to make any more promises. You might wonder why that might be a problem... Well, I realized that I tend to not do something after I promised to do it. It's like the moment I promise to do something, either to myself or someone else, I shove that particular task into my overflowing to-do folder at the very back of my head then forget about it

This is a very hard habit to kick for me. It's so reflexive sometimes that actually lying to myself works. Actually works, I tell you. I've tried testing this trick for a few things lately and boy were there results. I'd be determined NOT to do my classes until the next day... then end up doing it a few hours later, seemingly just so I don't have to keep that promise. Heck, anyone can see this peculiarity in action by the simple fact I'm back actively blogging after announcing I'll be gone from the internet for an extended period.

Madness.

So now while I want to say that I'll be trying my darnest to only report, and not promise, and therefore maybe increasing my productivity (or the illusion of it), by actually saying it will mostly likely result in fail. Argh. If so, then let me say this then:

I will take the rest of this year not doing anything worthwhile. Don't expect anything from me. But I will keep you updated on what I might be planning to do. All my promises are lies.

Food Link of the Moment: Fancy Fast Food. It's all in the presentation.